Note to self: It's a journey.

What do you do when you thought you had the solutions figured out, and then it becomes apparent, they don't work anymore?
With pain and mobility there are so many "tricks", most of them I have taken from experts and adapted to suit my needs, and many I have discovered for myself. But what happens, as has been the case for many years now, you get to attached to the ideas of the tricks being the answer, you think to yourself, "I can relax now, I got it figured out"? "I know how to manage/fix this problem." And then the tricks don't work anymore, or they work, but not to the degree they used to.
Its a gentle (and very often not so gentle) about becoming too fixed on one idea, or a set of ideas. Discovering a "trick" usually involved an in depth process of learning and exploration, but once we have the "trick", that exploration is gone, and we go to the end of the story. Sure, we find out the ending of the story, but after a while, missing the whole tale, the chapters, the journey, starts to impact us. And the book does not bring satisfaction anymore.
I know I am rambling, using analogies, but anyone who has had ongoing physical issues (and perhaps it is true for mental issues as well), may be the readers of this blog who have similar issues might understand what I am trying to say.
I think it is a Feldenkrais idea that the process is the important part, not the outcome. And whilst, those of us in pain think, "how stupid is that!", it is true, because after a while, the outcome changes to something less meaningful (with less positive results). I love the Feldenkrais bit of writing that goes something like treating the means as if it were the aim. Such a short phrase, but when you get your head into it, so amazing a concept for not only getting in and out of chairs, but almost everything in life! Just saying that phrase makes me slow down my movements, become more aware.
The journey never stops, when we think we are getting to the destination, it is only a mirage,and it is to our detriment if we believe it.

Challenges

Life is full of peaks and troughs, and I suppose I have hit one of those troughs. In my personal life, self development (sounds narcissistic I know), and health, feel I am growing and improving. But nothing is smooth sailing for ever, that is the nature of things.

I have been told today that my employment is going to cease and to look for another job. Apparently in these economic times, they don't want workers who can only work part-time, as it costs employers too much money. And that is true, I can't argue with that. My problem is I cannot work full time, due to physical limitations. Whilst I really aspire to work full time in the future, I know I am not there yet. I struggle, not always on a daily basis, but close. Some days much better than others.
I suppose I am in a state of shock, as have been assured verbally on many occasions that I would be made permanent, and that my job was secure.

Trying to think of budget strategies, starting today. I did not go to the supermarket on the way home, making do with whats in the fridge, and I definitely need to cut out my morning soy latte. The budget thing is already buzzing around in my brain. The good thing is someone forwarded a job advertisement, for part-time work in an area I have some experience (health education). It is only another contract, but it goes for 12 months, and maybe by then I will be well enough to work full time, or work in a more physically demanding job? I just don't know. I have just received funding application for a project I am working on in my current job? What about the other projects I am working on at the moment? (I work in health education and health promotion with adolescents). I'm a bit at a loss. I am applying for this other job, but I love my job where I work at the moment. Trying not to panic, just trying to think about one thing at a time, maybe tomorrow morning will bring some clarity.

Internet Dating

Its amazing how putting out a profile creates a certain vibe. With just a few words and spelling mistakes (put me in that basket), it conveys a lot of info. Much more than the author anticipates. People try not to be generic to stand out; but then they stand out for the wrong reasons. (In my biased opinion anyway.) I wrote in a previous blog how questionnaires are very useful. It is only when people leave it blank that it creates uncertainty. Are they really open to anything, or do they have no opinion, so put nothing down. Which is worse?
My question is, based on the last month or two is, why are males with handlebar moustaches attracted to me? What is it in my photo that says "hey, I like moustaches'? Because it is a long way from the truth. Anyway, met a friend in person after Internet chatting for the first time. Have had long phone conversation with other people, but this was the first "flesh" meeting if you like. And the big question is always going to be, "does this person match their written word?". In this instance it was "yes". Good to know. Internet dating's not such a bad thing after all. Indeed Internet dating has a lot of potential...profile questionnaire anyone?